Sandflies: Break Out the Kevlar Beesuits

Sandflies: The Piranha of the Air!

"The earth shall quake before them; the heavens shall tremble: the sun and the moon shall be dark, and the stars shall withdraw their shining."

Joel 2:10

Having seen the massive black swarms of them with my own eyes, I have little doubt Joel was providing warning for us all to avoid these tiny terrors with due diligence!
















Don't let their apparent diminutive size lull you into a false sense of security. As Theodore Roosevelt himself wrote about them during an expedition to New Zealand in 1914, entitled Through the New Zealand Wilderness:

"They are the most ferocious insects in the world," Roosevelt announced. "They will strip the skin off a hand incautiously waived in the air; they mutilate trampers -- in every town in New Zealand there are men who have been thus mutilated; they will rend and devour alive any wounded man or beast; for the scent of blood in the air excites th­em to madness!"

You might scoff, and think there's little to tales advanced from those long-ago tales from a previous century, but look at these pictures of their horrendous butcher-knife like jaws, and perhaps then, hopefully, you will begin to believe:



One local Kiwi (you can call him "Tim"), upon hearing a tourist mock the horrifying tales and fearing for his safety, led him to a nearby area littered with the bleached bones of sandfly victims and upon noting the continued look of disbelief on the tourist's face, exclaimed: "They've got huge, sharp-- eh-- they can fly about-- look at the bones!" Sad to say, that tourist failed to heed Tim's warning.

Still an unbeliever? *sigh* I knew it would eventually come to this. You see, Tim shared with me the coroner's pictures that were taken after the tourist blithely wandered right into a huge sandfly swarm with no protection. Warning: this image may be too gruesome for some; close your eyes and scroll past if you are squeamish.





I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little fly, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--

*ahem* sorry about that, now where was I? Oh yes, how to avoid sandflies. Well, as far as I can tell, there really IS no way to avoid them; signs put up by the Department of Conservation might occasionally hint at the danger, but only using words like "If the sandflies bother you, try retreating further from the beach."

...IF?

It's obvious that governmental agencies here in this festering den fully intend any not fully conversant in the lore surrounding this airborne pestilence to be quickly and summarily dispatched by them! So, take heed this warning, and make sure to bundle up in kevlar from head to toe should you intend tramping in the bush; especially dangerous are the Western coastal areas of the South Island (for instance, the areas south of Haast Beach and Milford Sound). Nobody without a full beekeeping suit should venture to these places if they value their lives.

After the need for such gruesome warnings, perhaps a bit of the "lighter" side of horrors of New Zeland is in order?

coming soon...

The Head Raping Parrots!

The Horror, The Horror...

"Their persons and houses are filthily dirty and offensive. I should think that a more war-like race of people could not be found in any part of the world... We were all glad to leave New Zealand. It is not a pleasant place."

-Charles Darwin

Note: I will be updating the information in this warning pamphlet periodically. Keep checking on it from time to time by clicking on the link in the sidebar of the main page of the blog.

In my very first post on this blog, I listed some of the wonderful things that might attract someone to visit this little backwater swamp they call "New Zealand" (as if old Zealand wasn't good enough). However... There are, in fact, numerous things here of such unimaginable horror that... Oh, screw that. Let's just make them not unimaginable, eh?

This guy, for example. Possessed by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, perhaps? He wishes. No, my friends, this man was the victim of one of the more notable horrors here: The Brain Eating Amoebas! So, before you go bush, gawk at these wee kiwi beasties and other assorted nightmares or ye'll be like ta pushin' up daisies! Or at least be very, very annoyed. OTOH, what are ya! Since you've already gotten an eyeful of the end result, let's take a bit of a look at:


The Brain Eating Amoebas!

Yep, that's them, the little buggers (Naegleria fowleri) that cause what you saw in the first picture. I quote:

"It sounds like science fiction but it's true: A killer amoeba living in lakes enters the body through the nose and attacks the brain where it feeds until you die."

The term coined is "amoebic meningoencephalitis".


These beasties live in the pleasantly warm geothermal pools you'll find in New Zealand; especially in the North Island. You'll find signs warning you of the danger in the more popular locales (like the hot pools near Lake Taupo), but there are many, many pools. Just imagine... you've been tramping about all day long in the cold rain and wind, and you run across a beautiful blue pool of steaming hot water. Jacuzzi time; Sweet As! Nope, not for you, wally. No, you put your head under the steamy water, only to have half a dozen or so of these little fuckers crawl up your nose and burrow their way into your noggin. Things are fine at first, you notice nothing. And then... something smells funny (parosmia).

Eventually, if you're brain doesn't simply explode in some gruesome manner like you can see happening in the lead-off picture, you're more than likely to become a gruesome flesh-eating zombie to the things (many of these zombies apparently have infiltrated high-level government institutions here, which explains in part why the signs warning of the dangers keep disappearing).

Which leads us to...


Flesh Eating Zombie Sheep!



Local scientists have been looking for ways to battle the little amoebic terrors for over a decade now. They attempted to utilize sheep as a host to experiment with a variety of control and eradication methods, and to study the effects of the parasites on host animals. Early results were documented in films such as this one. Note the odd bouncing behavior of the sheep. Also of note is the first recorded documentation of a sheep exploding due to infection.

However, something went horribly wrong around 2005, and many thousands of infected sheep escaped, and rampaged across the countryside. If they didn't spontaneously explode (documented on home video by Peter Jackson himself here), then they formed herds of zombie flesh eating sheep that terrorized the local populace. A documentary film of one of the more famous recent attacks can be viewed here.

Needless to say, the large packs of zombie sheep have at least been keeping the population of New Zealand depressed for some time now. Tourists stand little to no chance against this menace. So, if you happen to see any large gatherings of sheep on your travels in this backwater swamp, don't take any chances trying to figure out if they have been infected or not; just RUNNNNN! Be careful, though, or when running from zombie sheep you might run smack dab into swarms of:

Sandflies: The Piranha of the Air!

"The earth shall quake before them; the heavens shall tremble: the sun and the moon shall be dark, and the stars shall withdraw their shining."

Joel 2:10

Having seen the massive black swarms of them with my own eyes, I have little doubt Joel was providing warning for us all to avoid these tiny terrors with due diligence!
















Don't let their apparent diminutive size lull you into a false sense of security. As Theodore Roosevelt himself wrote about them during an expedition to New Zealand in 1914, entitled Through the New Zealand Wilderness:

"They are the most ferocious insects in the world," Roosevelt announced. "They will strip the skin off a hand incautiously waived in the air; they mutilate trampers -- in every town in New Zealand there are men who have been thus mutilated; they will rend and devour alive any wounded man or beast; for the scent of blood in the air excites th­em to madness!"

You might scoff, and think there's little to tales advanced from those long-ago tales from a previous century, but look at these pictures of their horrendous butcher-knife like jaws, and perhaps then, hopefully, you will begin to believe:



One local Kiwi (you can call him "Tim"), upon hearing a tourist mock the horrifying tales and fearing for his safety, led him to a nearby area littered with the bleached bones of sandfly victims and upon noting the continued look of disbelief on the tourist's face, exclaimed: "They've got huge, sharp-- eh-- they can fly about-- look at the bones!" Sad to say, that tourist failed to heed Tim's warning.

Still an unbeliever? *sigh* I knew it would eventually come to this. You see, Tim shared with me the coroner's pictures that were taken after the tourist blithely wandered right into a huge sandfly swarm with no protection. Warning: this image may be too gruesome for some; close your eyes and scroll past if you are squeamish.





I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little fly, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--

*ahem* sorry about that, now where was I? Oh yes, how to avoid sandflies. Well, as far as I can tell, there really IS no way to avoid them; signs put up by the Department of Conservation might occasionally hint at the danger, but only using words like "If the sandflies bother you, try retreating further from the beach."

...IF?

It's obvious that governmental agencies here in this festering den fully intend any not fully conversant in the lore surrounding this airborne pestilence to be quickly and summarily dispatched by them! So, take heed this warning, and make sure to bundle up in kevlar from head to toe should you intend tramping in the bush; especially dangerous are the Western coastal areas of the South Island (for instance, the areas south of Haast Beach and Milford Sound). Nobody without a full beekeeping suit should venture to these places if they value their lives.

After the need for such gruesome warnings, perhaps a bit of the "lighter" side of horrors of New Zeland is in order?

coming soon...

The Head Raping Parrots!

Why?

This will be the first entry in the documentation and discussion of my adventures in this rather odd place they call "New Zealand". First and foremost, I'm sure those that actually know me are about half split between "What the hell is he doing there?" (in which case I apologize for not writing to you sooner) and "Why the hell haven't you started this blog sooner?" (for which I have no real apology - I can be a real lazy bastard). Those that don't are probably wondering how the hell they ended up here, and why they should stay. Well, I figure I might as well start with an entry that at least addresses some of the questions, first.


Why did I decide to give the US the finger and migrate to NZ?

Well, it's quite simple, really, and yet it might take a few examples to explain. If I had to put it down to a single event that really triggered it, it would have to be the RE-election of George "What? Me Worry?" Bush, which showed me clearly that there was a very large portion of the American populace who apparently are quite happy to shoot themselves, and anyone else that happens to be nearby, in the foot.
However, I could just as easily attribute it to a desire to be somewhere where there are far fewer people (only 4 million for a place the size of California), far more natural wonders that can still be seen (It's like a damn natural theme park down here1), an army that couldn't invade a sandbox (so no worries about having to feel responsible for it wiping out entire countries), politics that are considered so irrelevant as to rarely be worth conversing about, relatively few godbothering tubthumpers (and those that are around are laughed at whenever they try their hand in politics), clean air, clean water, extremely friendly folk, great outdoor activities like fishing, kayaking, parasailing and bungee jumping, and of course - great SCUBA diving and beautiful reefs.
Last but certainly not least, there are tons of research opportunities down here (especially for an ichthyologist like myself); myriad projects that are worth doing and where there appears to be popular support for actually doing them. In fact, as much as I was disturbed by some of the things I saw in the US, like the growing anti-science movement, it was letters of encouragment I received from people in New Zealand that suggested to me that there were more opportunities for what I am interested in there, than there were in the States.
Moreover, New Zealand fascinates me as a place where, as small as the population is, it seems to generate a disproportionate number of people that have done quite interesting things. Take a look for yourself; I'm sure you'll find many recognizable names here. So, I was genuinely curious: What is it about New Zealand that causes it to be so unique? Well, I figured there was only one way to find out: Go down there and...

Poke it With a Stick!

Which at least might give some idea of why I named the blog what I did (credit for the actual name goes to one of the more friendly natives I've met down here, though).

So, Why did I decide to make this blog?

Frankly, this is an amazing place, and I'm more than happy to share whatever I manage to stumble across down here with my friends back in the States and elsewhere. I assume my Kiwi friends will just point and laugh, which is just fine too (there's damn near a language barrier with all the bloody "kiwiisms"!).
I will be posting some of the better pics from the places I've seen here, and folks can jump in with questions and comments as they see fit. I also figure it will be far easier to communicate with the many people that appear interested in what I'm up to down here than it would be to email each and every one every time something interesting happens (Did I mention I was a lazy bastard? I think I did.).
Anyone can feel free to comment on any given thread, but I do reserve the right to boot your ass and delete your posts if you become exceedingly obnoxious (In which case you will receive ample warning first).

So why don't I just get the fuck on with it already?

Oh, right.

Now that this post is home 'n hosed, kick off yer gumboots and take a gawk, it's gonna be so flash!

ta!

Next up: Landing in Auckland: why Auckland reminds me of Los Angeles suburbia, circa 1970.
...ooh, and the first pics!


1. However, see the section on why you really don't want to come the fuck to New Zealand, otherwise titled: "The Horror, The Horror..." (which should be up very soon)